Do i really change?

Some of the common questions and words i get:
1. Is there something bothering u?
2. Is everything fine for u?
3. No matter what happened in the past, is all over.. dun think too much..
4. U seem to have lost ur smile.. No longer the cheerful ger that i used to know...
5. U seem to be gettin thinner n thinner...
6. walkin zombie?

Well, do i really change?
Yes? No? Maybe? i dunno..
all i know is that--> i no longer enjoy what i used to like.. and i do agree that i have lost the smile in me!

i been trying very hard to forget the past and find back my smile.. but a call from Jeremy has proved to me that it gotta take a very long time.. Well, i really wonder how long too.. i hate what i am going thru rite now..

PLS PLS PLS.. let me get over it soon..

at the same time, i wish to say 'sorry' to mr A n mr W.. what i can say to u both is that i am not ready for another relationship at the moment and we dun suit each other, i do hope that u guys understand.. most importantly, i dun wish to let it affect our work in OTC 2007.. sorry once again.. may u guys find ur true love..

signin off
xin (in deep tots..)

Chinese New Year 2007

Let me update on my movement this CNY..

Eve? after the buffet, we played mahjong till 4am

First day? went to my grandma's place lor.. as usual! haha.. But this year, i got more income! haha.. dun say i bluff small kids(sec 4 and above) money leh.. well, i should say my luck is better this year ba.. Someone has to keep the ball rolling, being the oldest among them, so no choice but to be the banker(blackjack).. wait a min! what about Ah hor? he seem to be much much older than me! haha.. okok.. i admit i won $154 that morning.. but i gave half of it to my younger bro.. surprise? nah, he help me in collecting n giving money.. haha.. i got no pocket ma..

this year PIG lucky animal is... TIGER!! wee... my house got so many pigs and tigers...

Sister n younger bro (PIGS!) Mother n me (TIGERS!)

Second day? went to temple in the morning then to KTV with Sjab friends @ cine.. this time round KTV session wasnt with the normal clique.. new ppl like alan! so gan tong! he waited for me at summerset MRT station for 1 hour plus.. well, i realise that SJAB ppl nv seem to be on time when there is no event.. haha.. does that include me?

During Dinner time, Jin li and howard joined us.. well, i seem to be joining the wrong group of ppl tat day.. no interesting topic execpt marriage and houses! Jin li and howard, mary and Gary, Stella and her BF (3 pairs) getting marry this year.. june and july.. wee..must start to plan the attire le.. haha... so happy to see my friends "xin fu".. when ask: "what is my ideal age to get marry?" i just answer with a smile.. " how to get marry when there is no one beside me?"

We too went to view Jin li and howard new home! so envy..

third day? My secondary school mates r out at my place(tigger gathering) i think this year, i lost count! most of them bought their girlfriends.. think about 24? but they cant believe that i am single.. haha.. after so long when we last met..nvm, something cant be rush, and i know if i do so, that is not the one i really want..well, let fate play its part ba.. after all, this year FEMALE TIGERs r will have alot of love stories happening.. haha.. we shall see if this is true! i hope to find a long lasting de..

good time end fast..but will be meetin them again this sat(Ade's 21st birthday!)

Alrite, days of slacking is over, time to start back on the 3 projects again and this sunday onward, will be tied down by officers course and nursing dept stuff.. Yawn..

signing off

Xin

(hungry mode)

Chinese New Year Eve~17/2/07~

What am i doing in here at this time? Well, taking some time off my projects to update my blog and of cos to eat some "snake"..Really wonder how this year new year will be? same as before? well, i dunno that for sure.. This year there wont be any steamboat tonight, we have change to muslim buffet instead cos every year the preparation, cutting, set up and washing make everyone busy and headache! Wee.. i think i getting lazier and lazier.. haha

Last night, i was dragged by my mum to Jurong west market(family business there).. so packed and crowded! but despite the heavy flow of ppl, no matter where we go, there will be my family members all around! (we rulezzz jurong west?) my sister's boyfriend who live in jurong area was told by my sister that :"u beta be careful! i got alot of spy in here!" haha.. this make us laugh till ache.. u should have seen his face! We went to my grandma place @ 1130pm.. As usual, ah ma was there to start the Q & A session (haha).. nothing much to comment in here execpt that i must be mentally and physically prepared for the actual day! more KPO aunties and uncles will be there.. ~pls DNR me!~

When i reached home about 12 plus, i was surprised to receive msg from Kelvin in MSN, ever since that day i ask him to read my blog, he seem to disppear! but i must state clear that i got no special intention of askin him to read! just that i want him to know that it is alr in the past, we must let go so as to move on and i dun wish to lose him as a friend! back to the topic, he told me that his relatives keep askin him where am i.. haha.. i really wonder what he reply but he does not want to share leh.. This is the different btw him and ahmad! ahmad wont keep things away from me.. cos ahmad know it wont affect me and i will definitely make fun out of it.. well, i guess he must have his reasons for not sharing it..nvm, it ok.. He also mention that my family members must be hating him rite now.. if u r reading rite now, i can reassure u that they dun, cos i didnt spoilt the impression u left for them, what is the point of point fingers at who is at fault? (at time i really feel that my thinking is really different from others.. haha.. maybe i dun wish to see more ppl get hurt or what ba..)

shall end here le ba.. got so many things to prepare for tmr such as preparing my two black n white dresses and many more..

~back to projects working~
Xin
14.17 hrs

Am i up to Something?

Am i up to something?

Yes Yes Yes.. definitely! 14 feb 2007 (V day) but it will going to be friendship day for us.. has been thinking hard about what should i do or buy for them for the past few days... thanks to Stephanie who give me an idea of using the springe as we r nurses to be and it is something which we use everyday..

Many memories and tots flow into my mind while doing it.. 3 yrs seem to be passing so fast, in 1 mth plus we r all going for our PRCP then separate ways i think..i will really treasure these few mths with the rest and my PRCP period with my attachment clique..

Dates? yes.. i am admit.. i did received a number of calls from different kind of guys.. i mean in characters.. So funny.. alot of unexpected call from unexpected ppl.. but somehow i manage to turn down but only one which i am left in confuse state.. i shall not name this person for to protect his identify.. haha.. he knows me too well prehaps and "why is he dating me out tmr? V day? kinda of weird rite? the best part is he mention abt flower, dinner, movie, cakes and etc!" how can one not think too much and be normal? well.. shall not bother n be who i am.. cheers

alrite.. shall stop now le.. super tired..slept at 3am yesterday.. yawn.. shall "chiong" for 3 more projects

signing off

xin

~My worries~SJAB, PRCP, Workin life

Everyone in this world has their own worries.. of cos, i am not excluded in this area too..
This year is indeed going to be a tough yr for me.. challenging in fact..

~Counting down the days to PRCP..~1 mth plus left!~
1. Dunno where school will post me to for PRCP?
2.which Ward?
3.who is my Preceptor?
4. where will the rest of them(my attachment mates) go? all separated?
5. Will i be able to cope well in PRCP?
6. What will my future be? i want to go into education line.. be a CI?

~SJAB~
1.corp?
-->Got promoted last year to zone staff officer G5 but seem like got to hold on the corp until this current batch of trainees successfully make it as officers.. (i dun seem to enjoy corps stuff anymore!)

2.Zone? 2 depts to look into (education and nursing dept)
--> Education
seem to be more relax compare to welfare.. BUT, can u feel trouble is on the way? CPR cum AED for TIC & officers is on the 24/3/07.. nutting is out yet.. this is suppose to be head by education(me) n medical(hui) but we got no time to do! to make thing worse! it is highlight in the zone calander.. well, shall keep our fingers cross this time round.. ~praying in the process~

--> Nursing
This yr nursing board is out for challenge! y do i say that? cos we are targetting on non-sjab members to attend home nursing courses conducted by various nurses in my zone(well, i cant escape in here too) Not just Non sjab members but also our own members and TICs
~WAY TO GO~

3. OTC 2007(starting in 11/3/07)
-->Back to help out in OTC this yr again(4th yr), taken up the post of welfare & safety officer and group instructor..

--> As a welfare & safety officer, i need to look into the welfare n safety of the trainees and officers! Birthday surprise? well, i am task to do it.. so pls be prepare.. i will be up to no good de.. haha.. just wait to see!

--> Group instructor? Yes! something which i want to be.. someone who guide and lead the future leaders in sjab..
~remember last yr i failed 3 of my trainees in hotel, i too feel guilty about it... but i rather i fail them myself than let them do something funny n stupid in SJAB..~

4. Footdrill Drill Instructor course?
--> wait a min! i am going as a trainee this time round, it is going to be conducted by SAF in june but seem i like i got problem in attending this course due to time constrain! june alr in green, how to get leave for all sat? If i didnt go, i dun want to be the only one without FDI badge! get it!

~Working Life?~
--> entering the real working life in 4 mths time.. will i be able to handle or take it? i dunno.. this is a common question in our head rite now.. why i feel scare and excited? well, the reason is simple: my job got to do with life n death of ppl..cant afford to make any mistake, so can u feel the pressure that i am facing? or am i giving myself too much pressure? but i strongly believe that only pressure can push ppl to perform their very best..


Everything seem to be in a mess right now.. cant really put into words to stAte all out.. SJAB, PRCP and entering into SGH(working life) seem to be a big question for this year.. 3 areas which i cant afford to lose out or give up. However, these 3 areas are happening at the same time.. Haiz.. at time i really feel tired..

IF THERE IS GUANDIAN ANGEL, WHERE IS MINE?

~busy weekend~

(sleepy look.. 3/2/07.. with 2 hrs of sleep)

Finally got time to blog again.. cheers..

let me update my past few days of movement..

2/2/07-->A short day in school, then met up with Alfred to go shopping then to HQ to do the printing for the annual day.. lastly went out with matthew, zhong lie and hui shi to Changi Village till 2 am..

3/2/07--> morning-- POP & ANNUAL DIALOGUE 2007
afternoon-- lunch with Danny Sir and stephanie
(Danny sir treat cos felt gulity! haha.. didnt come for my annual
dialogue!)
Nite-- went to simon's birthday party @ pasir ris chalet.. soooooo far...

4/2/07--> Went to HQ for officer course meetin then to dinner..

This is how my weekend burn.. wahaha.. but i enjoyin what i am doing.. yeah..

so happy that annual dialogue went smoothly and ended fast.. learn alot from this event and get to see the true colour of lotz of ppl including bosses! well.. thinking that i can take a break from sjab event for the time begin but seem like i am wrong again! i am arrow to plan a BBQ for the officers in the officer course 2007! Hmmm.. welfare officer for officer then who is the welfare officer for eileen?

just happened to view Sara blog... oops, she wrote something which i feel sad n touch! she mention that hema,xuan and me got our career path curved out alr but only her without.. she did told me about her worries upon enterin this workin world such as gettin into her ideal hospital cos of her height and stuff.. well.. we should be lookin into the perform rite? i hope that my suggestion can help her in one way or another..btw, thanks for the encouragement that u wrote for me.. i will carry on with my life.. cheers mate..

Signing off
Xin