all abt anger and disappointment

27/1/07 was the charity event, as usual, was sabo to the Emcee.. well.. it wasnt as bad as the first time, think this time round is much comfortable as it is the second time to be emcee.. ~Pls.. No more!!! haha~I wanna try more new posts.. Aim for other posts..

Let's talk about this event.. In whole, i should say that this event was really a success.. but think there are still room for improvement such as the number of cadets that are going! it seem that there are more cadets than the elders.. omg, i hardly see the elders ard! haha.. there are also KTV session too.. by the zone presidents.. oh my.. think jacklynn and i are the only ones listening and clapping along with the beat!~actually is the rank we are hoping for.. ha..zone staff officer grade 5 --> zone staff officer grade 4?~*slap slap.. wake up wake up* Thank god the event end at 1pm.. the night before hardly slept for 2 hours as need to rush out the powerpoint for the annual dialogue on the 3/2/07..

Talkin about annual dialogue, as mention, i am the one that chair for this event.. how glad am i to have Sam to help me.. he is the only one that really help me out.. just a call, he will get things done and listen to my complains.. sad to say, there is so many ppl showing out their true colours when help is needed.. so angry with cluster heads! cant do a simple thing such as gettin the attendance of the teachers.. really lose my respect to u all.. esp IVAN HO!

Back to the topic, we went back to HQ taking the ambulance drove by Zhong Lie, sitting in front was Hui Shi and the back consist of Alfred, stephanie, Simon and me.. we were happily joking ard..*Hui Shi.. i think u didnt brush ur teeth man.. keep saying the wrong thing the whole day such as "what if the ambulance suddenly break down now?" Mind u.. we are in the middle lane in the middle of the expressway!!! it happenned immediately when she say that.. Zhong Lie suddenly done a E brake.. *ppl behind got no safety belts!* i nearly fly out of my seat and hit the metal pole in front of me.. all thanks to alfred for holding me.. if not today will be in hospital le..

that all for now, need to go do my powerpoint le.. i wanna to show my ability to them! (ppl that look down on me!) ~JUST WATCH OUT!~

signing off
Xin
*angry cum shock stage*

~23/1/07~

Dear blog,

It has been a tired week.. since the 30/12/06.. i didnt have enough rest..all weekdays and weekends seem to be occupy by attachment, school and SJAB.. well, isnt this the life i want after i breaking up? but somehow, i started to feel drain out.. ~help~

MOOD

I wasnt in my best mood today, all along i tot that i have let it go and wont let it affect me but somehow, till today then i realise that i am still bluffing myself..all these sad feeling suddenly come back when Xuan suddenly mention about him, the feeling is really hurt till i could feel tears nearly roll down again~pls pls pls.. dun hurt me again k and help me step out of this painful area..To Him:i dunno if i really hate you or not.. at times, i do and at times i dun.." i also strongly believe that time can heal everything, even this painful process that i am going thru..As for relationship, well.. there is no one in mind rite now.. i dun wish to hurt anyone by taking anyone as a substitute.. For now, i wish to put all my attention on my career and sjab.. let put all my love to all my patients..while waiting for mr Rite to appear.. ~i am sure everyone will agree with me on this point!~

FUTURE PLAN

After thinking for a few days, i finally come out with a conclusion: i decided to go for oncology.. like i say in my msn nick "area of interest n friends VS parents' disapprovement n health issue", by saying this, everyone would expect a hard time makin this decision.. of cos, i didnt mention it to my parents.. for i did not want them to get worry for me! i know where n what i am heading to.. Cancer patients are alr so pitiful and may even leave this world any moment, dont anyone would want to make a different in their life? Yes, i do.. i want to make a different in their life.. N it will always be my Nursing aim n goal for all my patients..

When fillin up the form, alot of tots come to me.. such as friends going to be separated to different hospital and even different wards.. i going to miss all my fun time with them.. esp my best sister, Hema.. N not forgetting xuan, latha, fen fen, mus and sara who we really went thru alot together during our attachment days.. To all: "although we have to separate after working together for 3 yr, we will always be close buddies.. let THOSAI be our witness! cheers mates!~i will miss those days when we suffered from all the case studies, scoldin, facing death and enjoyin the praises from sisters, waiting for the arrival of the newborn, seeing our patients going home and even "matchmake" during attachment.. most impt, i will miss u guys...

sign out

Xin

15/1/07.. first day of school as a yr 3 sems 2 student

dear blog,
The days to annual dialogue is getting nearer n nearer.. as it is my very first project run by me, i will feel excited and tense up.. but it is also a good time to take a good look of other officers.. their true colour! Ppl pushin their jobs around, super angry with such ppl.. who they think they r? I wont let all these affect my performance! just wait and see..


15/1/07..
My first day of school(yr 3 sem 2)
although it is just 1 hr of lesson today, everyone seem to feel the hard time of the sems! cos the very first tut. the lecturer alr started to tell us the ICA presentation dates! worse part is: the first presentation is third week of school! pls pls pls... dun let me get into the first grp.. i got too many thing on hand currently!

after school was the best time.. went to seoul garden with Ifa and Ahmad(all i do is to sit there and wait to be serve..haha) and even to the library.. they were so surprise that i say i wanna to go there.. lastly, i even bought 3 tops for myself.. so proud of that.. haha.. it seem to be it has been a long time since i last bought stuff for myself.. cheers eileen!

let stop here for today.. feel so tired suddenly.. all "his" fault for makin me angry!

signing off

~Say Out Loud!~

So long since i last update my blog.. soooo busy!

First thing first.. let talk about him! hmmmm.. seem like he is equally busy with his work and studies or other things ba.. but somehow or rather, i really feel that i had let it passed by me le.. however, i would wish to go back to the past when we just met each other.. No harbour feelings but plainly just friends in mind~izzit that wonderful?~

secondly.. attachment in AMKCH finally ended.. it was a painful attachment,mainly because of the lecturer ba.. she seem to be smiling at all of us but the smile seem to carry some evil tots that she have in mind.. haha.. waiting to kill us.. ~sound scary rite? but that the fact!!!~the best part is NO MORE CASE STUDY FOR THE NEXT FEW MTHS!~hurray!!~

Next 2 days will be at SGH HSE.. it is really an eye opening attachment! why i say that? cos it is a house to house visit.. i get to go to a 1 room flat which i didnt go before! and even know some of the patients sad background.. how lucky am i to have all the wonderful things around me and i dun even feel thankful for that! ~well..it's time for me to do some reflection man!~

Enough of attachment.. let talk about my plan for Jan till June:
1. white uniform (NYP nursin student)--> green uniform (staff nurse in SGH)
2. make annual dialogue 2007 a successful event (me chairman!)
3. To pass my PRCP(final attachment) with flying colour and get to my ideal ward)
4. To pass and obtain FDI badge in june
5. To carry out my duties well in OTC this year(taken up the post of welfare and safety officer)

Well.. there will be more event coming up, will update in here too..

Last but not least, after reading about "him".. i am sure many ppl will ask me about relationship ba.. what i can say now is.. "i am not really into it now.. not because of him,but i want to concentrate on my passion and interest.. haha.. but if my Mr Rite is there, things might change.. haha"

Signing off
~XiN~
9.58pm

just want let him know

The time now is 8.30pm.. 2/1/07..
Feeling seem to be beta after talkin to Sara, i didnt know that i will burst out in tears so badly when talkin to her.. like what she say, she know i am really badly hurt cos this is the first time i cry out in front of her.. all the long, i am always a strong ger in her eyes.. but this time round i fail to control my tears, it just roll down heavier n heavier..let time heal the wound and let time flow by..

So many things had happened this few days.. esp in mind of leaving or taking leave from st john, but i know that rite now isnt a rite time to do that, i need work n work to take him off my mind first.. i dunno if this is the rite way to do but i guess this is the only way out now.. let just pray that i wont collapse in this process.. everything affected such as sleep and eatin.. rite now, it seem like i sleeping lesser n lesser each day(body seem to be screamin) and dun feel like eatin(sorry.. ah gong.. i know u care for me.. n dun wish to be like u sufferin now.. but i really dun feel like eating.. let me be ba)

special thanks to all who have been there for me these few days.. i know u guys are trying very hard to put a smile in my face.. i know i did try my very best.. sorry if i do a bad job.. i wasnt in the mood..

All i ask for now is that he will still treat me as a friend.. but not someone who avoid me.. just a sms or a short call is what i ask for.. i hate to lose a friend just like that..hope he know what i am feelin now..

do i hate him?

Do i hate him or do i still like him?

yes.. he does hurt me badly this time round.. but i alr knew it long ago, didnt i? just have a hope that things wont happen so fast but it did.. thanks for spoilting my last few days of 2006 n the first day of 2007.. u did it..

well.. i guess i am feelin numb rite now.. the feeling was weird, but i know i got to let go for i believe me n him can be good friends.. just like ahmad n me!

signing off
xin